


life can weigh you down

by ThisJoyAndI



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M, Juliette centric, post 4x17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisJoyAndI/pseuds/ThisJoyAndI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(like a stone)<br/>Post 4x17. Juliette deals with the aftermath of Avery's decision. 'She’s standing in the middle of the hallway, Cadence in her arms, and if either of them even bothered to look left they’d see her. But they’re too wrapped up in each other to ever do such a thing, so she goes unnoticed.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	life can weigh you down

It’s nine p.m. and try as she might Juliette cannot stop crying. Thankfully she manages to take Cadence out of Emily’s grasp and shut the door before the tears start, but there’s no preventing her daughter seeing her weep. When she truly starts to sob Juliette’s somehow found her way onto the lounge, Cadence in her arms. Her daughter has no clue what’s going on, Juliette unable to wipe away the tears running down her cheeks as her hands are preoccupied with holding Cadence.  When she looks and sees her daughter blinking up at her, the innocent action merely makes her cry harder, increasing her grip on Cadence both to ensure she cannot fall to the ground and because in this very moment she’s desperate for something to hold onto.

If it had been any other night she would have been ecstatic to have Cadence. They’ve only been on tour for a week and half, but so far Avery’s been happy to have their daughter every night, even when it means sleeping on Layla’s bus. She’d thought offering to fly him and Cadence on her jet would lead to more overnight visits from Cadence, but he’d declined such an offer.

And now, it seems, he’s declined her admission of love. Juliette sucks in a shaky breath, desperate to calm herself, if only for Cadence’s sake.

“It’s okay baby,” she croons, smoothing a hair over Cadence’s wayward hair. “Mama’s going to be okay.” Cadence gurgles up at her in response, Juliette biting down hard on the inside of her mouth to stop the tears from coming. She has Oscar nomination interviews in the morning and she really doesn’t need to give the makeup artist any reason to spread gossip about her that isn’t about the tour or the movie. Besides, she needs to be strong for Cadence. Avery may not want to be the integral part of her life he once was, but she’s alive and she’s able to spend time with her daughter. She knows that’s what matters, even if her heart is shattering in a million tiny pieces.

Because, if she has Cadence, where is Avery?

If he’d truly wanted her to spend the night with Cadence, wouldn’t he have come to her room and told her that he didn’t want to be with her, and then hand her their daughter as a means of comforting her? But he’d sent Emily in his place, and even as Cadence squirms in her lap Juliette cannot help but wonder over what exactly that might mean. She can remember all too well driving to his apartment planning on telling she was pregnant, only to see him stumble blind-drunk out of his truck, some blonde pressing both her enviable statuesque body and lips against the man Juliette loved. Could the same thing be happening now? Juliette shakes her head lightly, running a hand in soothing circles over Cadence’s back. No matter how desperately she wants to curl up in her bed and weep, she cannot afford to think about this, not now. She has to put Cadence to bed, and go over her list of answers to questions she may very well have to answer tomorrow. Even with Noah by her side, she’s certain that some of the questions, if not all, are going to be focused on her personal life rather than the movie, a fact that irritates even though she knows that it’s her fault the public know so much and that any publicity for the movie, even publicity generated out of interest in her personal torment, is considered good.

Cadence yawns slightly as Juliette settles back against the lounge, deflated. She’d been so full of anticipation the last few hours, drafting message after message to Avery and praying that he’d give her another chance. Now, she’s ready to sleep, if only so this day can be finally over. She’s learnt her lesson. Avery doesn’t want to be with her, and there’s really nothing she can do to change that. Not without causing more a rift between them, and that’s not good for Cadence.

She tried. At least she tried, she thinks, Cadence sleepily burrowing into her neck. She didn’t just stand idly by and watch him slip away. She laid everything on the table, and he chose not to be brave with her. Juliette sighs, twisting a strand of Cadence’s rapidly growing hair around her pinkie as her daughter’s breathing deepens. 

She knows she hurt him, knows she can never truly make up for everything she has done, but. She thought that after everything, Avery would still be the man she knew and loved, a man brave enough to try again.

With Cadence asleep on her chest, when the tears once more pool in her eyes Juliette lets them fall, gently rubbing the place where her wedding ring used to sit.

\---

Things look much better when dawn breaks, although her lack of sadness may have more to do with the presence of a gurgling, happy Cadence rather than her acceptance of Avery’s decision. Still, she isn’t crying, so that’s definitely a win. Her Oscar nomination interviews start at ten, and she’s supposed to meet Noah and the team beforehand for one last run-through, so as much as she’d like to lie in bed with Cadence all day, she simply can’t. She has to suffer through this day without her daughter’s toothy grin warming her heart, but she’s been through worse when Cadence hadn’t been born yet, and somehow made it out of the other side. She’ll get through this, but first she needs to summon up what little strength she has left to face Avery. When Cadence had woken her up with her flailing limbs, fully rested despite the early hour, Juliette had thought about getting Emily to take her back to Avery’s room in her place. He’d done the same last night, and if it was good enough for Avery…

But no matter how much she’s hurting, she’s forever going to be linked to him via Cadence and now is as good a time as any to face him. All she has to do is knock on his door and hand him Cadence. She doesn’t even have to say hello.  And then she can throw herself into promoting the movie, with Noah’s presence sure to cheer her up even if she cannot let him know what exactly is going on.

Only, Avery isn’t in his rooms. Cadence is squirming in her arms, full of energy, and as Juliette’s repeated knocks go unanswered a bitter taste settles in her mouth. Could he have? She knocks again, but once more there’s no answer. Her calls to him go similarly unanswered, and she’s becoming frantic as minutes pass and there’s no sign of him, placing Cadence down on the floor as she frets. She can’t be late for her meeting. Besides Cadence, her career is the only thing she really has left in her life now, and she cannot risk ruining it, not when the producers had been so accommodating towards her, first with her pregnancy and then with her decision to seek treatment for her post-partum. They’ve been pushing these Oscar nomination interviews for weeks, and whilst she knows she could show up with Cadence, she doesn’t want to risk the press getting any glimpse of her daughter. She’s too precious a thing to let them sully her in any way. Cadence is happily playing with her favourite toy by Juliette’s feet, hair in need of a brush after Juliette twirled it repeatedly around her fingers last night, and she’s considering calling Emily when the door opposite Avery’s opens and a woman steps out.

Juliette recognises her as one of Layla’s backup singers, and in an instant is upon her. “Do you know where Avery is?” she questions, the woman’s brow furrowed as she approaches, Cadence in her arms. She must look insane, but really, she doesn’t care. She just needs to know where Avery is, because he can’t just disappear on her like this.

The irony of the situation isn’t lost on her. And it would be just retribution, to have Avery disappear on her like she had him so many times, but he isn’t like her, he’s not the type of person that could ever even consider abandoning Cadence.

“You’re Juliette Barnes,” the woman murmurs. Juliette nods, pursing her lips. She _really_ doesn’t have time for this.

“I am. And if you have any idea where my ex-husband is, you’d be doing me a huge favour,” she says, shifting Cadence to her other hip. The warm weight of her daughter in her arms steadies her somewhat, reminds her that even though she doesn’t know where Avery is right now, things could be worse. Things have been worse. So what if she has to take Cadence to her press interviews? She’s a working mother, these things happen. Emily will be there, and she’ll be happy to take care of her whilst Juliette talks to the press.

“He’s not in his room?” the woman queries, seemingly over her initial disbelief that the Juliette Barnes is standing in front of her, asking her for a favour.

“No. Obviously not.” She’s being short, she knows she is, but she doesn’t have time for this.

The woman furrows her brow, brushing her hair behind her ears. “Oh,” she murmurs.

“Do you have any idea where he could be?” Juliette asks, yet again. Cadence mumbles something in her arms, her words incomprehensible but entirely welcome. She’s certain that it’ll only be a few more months, if not weeks, and her daughter will be not only walking but speaking as well, growing up way too fast and forever reminding Juliette of the many milestones she missed out on. 

“He might be with Layla? In her rooms, I mean. They’re constantly slipping away to work on her next album.”

Juliette inhales sharply. “It’s seven in the morning,” she retorts.

The woman shrugs. “Still, I wouldn’t put it pass them.”

Juliette readjusts her hold on Cadence, nodding. “Do you happen to know Layla’s room number?” she queries, heart pounding and throat dry.

Moments later, she’s approaching the hallway where Layla’s room is located, Cadence growing fussier by the minute. She needs something to eat, but the meagre supplies Avery packed in her overnight bag have already been demolished, and Juliette isn’t quite sure where, aside from Avery himself, she’d be able to find something suitable at this early hour. Her fussiness is putting Juliette more and more on edge, Layla’s rooms seemingly located on the other side of the freaking hotel for all the time it takes her to walk there. This is an important day for her, and so far, everything is going wrong.

“Almost there, baby,” she murmurs into Cadence’s ear as she walks, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Are you excited to see Daddy? Hmm? Excited to have some breakfast?” She runs a hand down her back. “Mama wishes she could spend all day with you, but she can’t. She’ll see you tonight though, and we’ll read some more from your book.” Cadence looks up at her, and for a moment Juliette once more cannot help but think that despite all of her tears last night and all of her fretting so early in the morning, perhaps everything is going to be okay. She knows her situation is still delicate, knows she has to take it one day at a day and be wary of any possible triggers, but when Cadence looks up at her, reminds her of what she’s worked so hard for, Juliette feels as if everything is once right in the world.

Until she looks up from her daughter to see Avery slipping out of a hotel room. Layla's hotel room. A sharp inhale later, and she sees Layla herself resting against the doorframe, grinning in such a way that can only come from doing something other than just working on her album. Her fears are confirmed a second later when Avery stoops to drop a kiss onto Layla’s lips, murmuring something in her ear that Juliette cannot hear. She’s standing in the middle of the hallway, Cadence in her arms, and if either of them even bothered to look left they’d see her. But they’re too wrapped up in each other to ever do such a thing, so she goes unnoticed, Avery walking away from Layla’s rooms with his back to her and Layla shutting her hotel door with a contented sigh.

The pain is too much. She stumbles backward until her back hits the wall, grateful for the support, and tries to steady herself, breathing deep. For what is perhaps the tenth time in the last twenty-four hours tears begin to pool in her eyes, Cadence squirming in her arms. Blindly she fumbles for her phone, dials Emily before she’s incapable of doing anything other than weeping.

“Juliette?” Emily murmurs, voice sleepy.

“I need you to come get Cadence,” she manages to say, throat lodged with emotion. Emily murmurs an affirmative, asking Juliette to tell her where she is.

“Juliette, are you okay? Do you need me to call Dr. Kipley?”

Juliette shakily inhales. “No.” A beat, and then. “No Emily, I’m not okay,” she weeps, tears falling. “Please, just come get Cadence.”

“I’m coming. I’ll be there in just a moment.”

When Emily arrives three seemingly never-ending minutes later Juliette is thankfully still upright but slumped against the wall with Cadence in her arms, unable to move despite knowing that there’s a high chance of people seeing her in such a vulnerable state. She takes one look at her and merely steps forward to wrap Juliette in her arms, Cadence squished between them.

“It’s going to be okay,” Emily whispers into her ear. What had Avery whispered into Layla’s? Thanks for a good night? Or, I’ll be back with breakfast? Like the glutton for punishment she is, she’s desperate to know.“It’s going to be okay.”

Juliette can only weep in response, burying her head into the crook of Emily’s neck and grateful for the arms holding her tight. 

Her makeup artist arches a perfectly shaped brow when she sees the redness of Juliette’s eyes and cheeks, but thankfully, she says nothing. An hour later, and it is as if she never spent last night and this morning inconsolably weeping, layers of makeup hiding any trace of sadness and transforming her into the Juliette Barnes she wants to present to the world, the one who has been through a lot but has everything together now.

Maybe someday it’ll actually be true.   


End file.
